Hekia Parata gets it from the satirist bloggers

by Toby Manhire / 15 November, 2012
The education minister's consultspeak lampooned.
If there were a meter measuring the lamentation in New Zealand at the absence of political satire on TV, the needle would leap into the red zone every time the minister of education begins speaking.

At least we have first-class satire on them blogs.

From Scott Yorke aka Imperator Fish:

A statement from Education Minister Hekia Parata to concerned parents, teachers and children in the Christchurch area


I am aware that a lot of teachers, students and parents in Christchurch are expressing concern about the future of their schools.


Today I want to take the opportunity to talk about how decisions in respect of schools have been made and will be made, with regard to the consultation and engagement processes underway, and in the wider context of the need to raise learner achievement.


I want to tell you that we are looking at how, by a mix of implementing robust processes and the development of specific timelines for engagement and consultation, we can give communities the opportunity to participate at all levels of engagement ...


What we do know is that we will be in a position soon to give an outcome in order to promote a consistent growth of understanding and to raise learner achievement across the board.


That’s not on the table today. Today we are focusing on being passionate about how we develop methodologies that add to learning outcomes, and being engaged in engaging with sector groups to advance the process in order to contribute better outcomes for students.


I remain committed to focusing on looking at how we can better achieve a consistent level of achievement at all levels of achievement.


Read the rest here. It’s very funny.

And Danyl Mclauchlan of the Dim-Post:

The Gunning-Fog index is a commonly used algorithm to determine the readability of English writing ... I wrote a perl script that reads in Hansard transcripts from Question Time and looks for sentences that score an 18 on Gunning-Fog, which ranks as incomprehensible, and then replaced that sentence with the word AAARRGGGGGH! Here’s how Hekia Parata’s most recent oral question plays out.


CHRIS HIPKINS: What specific criteria were used to identify whether a specific school, an individual school, was proposed for a closure or a merger?


Hon HEKIA PARATA:  I raise a point of order, Mr Speaker. AAARRGGGGGH! AAARRGGGGGH!


Mr SPEAKER: Order! If I am going to help members on this matter, they should be a little silent. I think it is not unreasonable—the primary question asked what specific criteria were used to determine whether a school in Christchurch was identified for restoration, consolidation, or rejuvenation. The Minister in answering that question pointed out those three categories applied to clusters of schools, so the member has not unreasonably now dug further into that answer and asked then what criteria were used to identify schools for, I think his language was, merger, which is similar to consolidation, or closure, which is highly relevant to some schools in Christchurch. That is not an unreasonable supplementary question, and I am ruling that it is not an unreasonable supplementary question.


Hon HEKIA PARATA: AAARRGGGGGH!AAARRGGGGGH! That is what—


Hon Members: What are they?


Hon HEKIA PARATA: AAARRGGGGGH!AAARRGGGGGH! Those are some of the criteria.


Read it in full here. It’s very funny.
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