Words of wisdom: October 2016

by The Listener / 12 October, 2016
“Supporters of Donald Trump are saying the fact that he lost a billion dollars and then didn’t pay income taxes for 18 years means he is a ‘genius’. So, three marriages makes him a ‘feminist’.” – US talk-show host Conan O’Brien

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
US comedian Demetri Martin


“Secretary Clinton is still struggling with millennials. If you’re not sure who millennials are, they’re the ones who never use the term ‘millennials’.“
Late Show host Stephen Colbert


“The one difference between death and taxes is that death does not get worse.”
Will Rogers


“Julian Assange says he has secret information about both Trump and Clinton, and that information may drastically change people’s views of these candidates. Americans replied, ‘Wait, it’s going to make us like them?’”
British comedian James Corden


“Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.”
FJ Raymond, quoted on Forbes.com


“Madonna reportedly bought her son a Donald Trump piñata to celebrate his birthday. A Donald Trump piñata is just like a regular piñata, except there’s nothing inside.”
US talk-show host Seth Meyers


“If you learn from every mistake, you really didn’t make a mistake.”
football coach Vince Lombardi


“Of course, it did not take long for one of the two debate candidates to tell a lie. Hillary: ‘Donald, it’s good to be with you.’ False! Where are the fact-checkers?”
Late Show host Stephen Colbert


“It’s my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
Lily Tomlin


“In an interview with Rolling Stone, Bruce Springsteen called Trump a moron. Now Trump’s starting a rumour that Springsteen wasn’t really born in the USA.”
US comedian Jimmy Fallon


“Being a famous journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.”
Robin Williams on the news business


“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
comedian Garry Shandling


“Work is a toad that squats on my life.”
poet Philip Larkin


“It pays to be a little deaf.”
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, quoting her mother-in-law on how to conduct a satisfying marriage


“I’ve known success and I’ve known failure and success is better in some respects.”
Sesame Workshop co-founder Joan Ganz Cooney


“The worldwide slobbering over celebrities, often by celebrities who became celebrities by slobbering over celebrities, is a felony against journalism.”
Walter Goodman quoted in the New York Times


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